Dear Father Christmas,
I know it's a bit early, but I just wanted to remind you that I'd like a slim sexy girlfriend for christmas.

I'm spending too much time alone. You wouldn't want me to end up as a crazy man who starts talking to himself would you?

Anyway, please make sure she's a non-smoker and doesn't mind being with an older man.

If you can somehow pull this off, please don't bring her down the chimney as she's not going to like getting covered in soot.

Oh and I promise I'll be good :)

Take care,
Max.

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